Unfortunately Pronto Soccorso is not a nice a little town in Italy but the emergency room, in my case that of Locarno. I have made it a habit to visit there every summer. Last year I managed to put out my back (told you swimming isn't a good thing) yesterday I woke up and was almost completely deaf.
So once again I made my way there. They have redecorated since last year and moved to the other side of the building by the way, should you share my habit.Being deaf in addition to not speaking the local language very well is not a very good combination. I walked in telling the lady at the desk "Buongiorno, miei orecchi non funziona piu" which can be translated with "Hello my ears funtion no more" She smiled and gave me a form to fill in. The form asked me about my marital status and my religion and I wonder if putting married and catholic would have reduced my waiting hours. As a single protestant you have to bring some time to the pronto soccorso.
The best thing is that the doctor told me not to go swimming please. She actually had a go at me for going in the first place. I promised her that I went only twice just because I felt that I ought to while being here but that I did not enjoy it.
Which is true. I swam about in the lake for a while, pondering (pun!) about the ridiculousness of my actions. Being in an element that isn't yours, forced to move your arms and legs constantly because otherwise it'll kill you. I am not a shark, I can't see any reason why I should pretend to be one. I swam until every muscle in my body was in excruciating pain and called it a day. When I was a kid my ballet teacher used to say "always go up to your pain threshold and then a bit further to get really good." I can't help it, I follow her religiously, I have to be in pain to consider it worthwhile. I get the pain bit but I do not understand swimming.
Tuesday, 12 August 2008
Wednesday, 6 August 2008
Global Warming Themed Holiday Experience
Could I use this space to pitch a new idea to the tourist board of Switzerland's south? How about a "Death by Global Warming Experience!" All inclusive, obviously. I am currently test driving this new adventure holiday package and it is very exciting. I cough a lot, I cannot sleep and my eyes swell up. Oh and the headaches are marvellous! It's not all bad, since not even the grass manages to survive in this boiling heat, I am unaffected by hay fever. YAY!
I also feel constantly stressed but that might be due to the fact that my parents are here and I have to write my dissertation pretty quickly now. I wouldn't want to throw false accusations into the face of Global Warming. Yet the ozone levels are so ridiculously high, that you are advised to stay inside. Should you insist on going out (you mentalist!), wear a hat and bring a machete to cut your path through the thick air. Oh and NEVER attempt to crawl, the heavy layers of atmosphere could crush you. This is true, I have discovered that only flat animals appear to survive. Lovely lizzards brighten the mood frequently. Scorpions don't. Call me narrowminded should you so wish but I do not and will never appreciate scorpions slouching around on my bed room wall. Never.
Yesterday a creature the size of a finger sporting millions of legs ran around on the ceiling and then suddenly fell to the ground with a loud "clunk" resulting in me losing all composure. I jumped out of my bed and screamed: "Piss off you little shit!" It didn't. It just ran around the floor at frightening speed. Bastard bug! All of this after I made a point of being highly offended after being called "slightly hysterical." Thank you bug.
Who are the people that tell you Switzerland is full of goats, cows and groundhogs? Heidi lied to me. Unless this is evolution on the go, goats mutate into scorpions, groundhogs turn into giant centipedes and cows become, well... little blue and plastic maybe?
I like it here, honstly, I just pretend to be Dwayne Johnson when I get scared by another scorpion sighting. That reminds me that I promised to make some tomato soup. It might be silly to spend your summer holiday avoiding the sun and stay indoors, but after I actually dared a swim in the lake today I remembered that I prefer the indoors anyway. This is a summer to my liking, noone forces you to enjoy the sun. Finally people learn to agree with me that the hot days are made for the cinema, NOT the rainy days.
AWWWWWWWWW there's another little lizzard walking past me! I really do like it here.
I also feel constantly stressed but that might be due to the fact that my parents are here and I have to write my dissertation pretty quickly now. I wouldn't want to throw false accusations into the face of Global Warming. Yet the ozone levels are so ridiculously high, that you are advised to stay inside. Should you insist on going out (you mentalist!), wear a hat and bring a machete to cut your path through the thick air. Oh and NEVER attempt to crawl, the heavy layers of atmosphere could crush you. This is true, I have discovered that only flat animals appear to survive. Lovely lizzards brighten the mood frequently. Scorpions don't. Call me narrowminded should you so wish but I do not and will never appreciate scorpions slouching around on my bed room wall. Never.
Yesterday a creature the size of a finger sporting millions of legs ran around on the ceiling and then suddenly fell to the ground with a loud "clunk" resulting in me losing all composure. I jumped out of my bed and screamed: "Piss off you little shit!" It didn't. It just ran around the floor at frightening speed. Bastard bug! All of this after I made a point of being highly offended after being called "slightly hysterical." Thank you bug.
Who are the people that tell you Switzerland is full of goats, cows and groundhogs? Heidi lied to me. Unless this is evolution on the go, goats mutate into scorpions, groundhogs turn into giant centipedes and cows become, well... little blue and plastic maybe?
I like it here, honstly, I just pretend to be Dwayne Johnson when I get scared by another scorpion sighting. That reminds me that I promised to make some tomato soup. It might be silly to spend your summer holiday avoiding the sun and stay indoors, but after I actually dared a swim in the lake today I remembered that I prefer the indoors anyway. This is a summer to my liking, noone forces you to enjoy the sun. Finally people learn to agree with me that the hot days are made for the cinema, NOT the rainy days.
AWWWWWWWWW there's another little lizzard walking past me! I really do like it here.
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