Could I use this space to pitch a new idea to the tourist board of Switzerland's south? How about a "Death by Global Warming Experience!" All inclusive, obviously. I am currently test driving this new adventure holiday package and it is very exciting. I cough a lot, I cannot sleep and my eyes swell up. Oh and the headaches are marvellous! It's not all bad, since not even the grass manages to survive in this boiling heat, I am unaffected by hay fever. YAY!
I also feel constantly stressed but that might be due to the fact that my parents are here and I have to write my dissertation pretty quickly now. I wouldn't want to throw false accusations into the face of Global Warming. Yet the ozone levels are so ridiculously high, that you are advised to stay inside. Should you insist on going out (you mentalist!), wear a hat and bring a machete to cut your path through the thick air. Oh and NEVER attempt to crawl, the heavy layers of atmosphere could crush you. This is true, I have discovered that only flat animals appear to survive. Lovely lizzards brighten the mood frequently. Scorpions don't. Call me narrowminded should you so wish but I do not and will never appreciate scorpions slouching around on my bed room wall. Never.
Yesterday a creature the size of a finger sporting millions of legs ran around on the ceiling and then suddenly fell to the ground with a loud "clunk" resulting in me losing all composure. I jumped out of my bed and screamed: "Piss off you little shit!" It didn't. It just ran around the floor at frightening speed. Bastard bug! All of this after I made a point of being highly offended after being called "slightly hysterical." Thank you bug.
Who are the people that tell you Switzerland is full of goats, cows and groundhogs? Heidi lied to me. Unless this is evolution on the go, goats mutate into scorpions, groundhogs turn into giant centipedes and cows become, well... little blue and plastic maybe?
I like it here, honstly, I just pretend to be Dwayne Johnson when I get scared by another scorpion sighting. That reminds me that I promised to make some tomato soup. It might be silly to spend your summer holiday avoiding the sun and stay indoors, but after I actually dared a swim in the lake today I remembered that I prefer the indoors anyway. This is a summer to my liking, noone forces you to enjoy the sun. Finally people learn to agree with me that the hot days are made for the cinema, NOT the rainy days.
AWWWWWWWWW there's another little lizzard walking past me! I really do like it here.
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